I think I know why I am stuck here, on the same spot, at the same level, in the same situation.

I was born into a family of a ‘stay at home’ mum, and a ‘come to home’ dad.
I saw love, I felt love.
There was togetherness.
We had everything.
I got my hope from there. I knew true love exists, and later learnt that patience had this reward.

I have watched women work.
A large percentage of them are single mothers.
One mother would wake up early in the morning, go into the forest to collect firewood, so much weight to carry, to sell.
In her shop, were groceries, outside her shop, was charcoal.
The charcoal was selling, but the groceries never brought much profit.
So selling firewood was half her life.
Another would wake up very early, take her second hand clothes from shop to shop, house to house, trying to sell, in the evening, she came back to her grocery shop.
It is a hard life.
And I wonder..
“Is this how life was supposed to be..”
Are we not supposed to stay at home and look after our families?
Is the man, not the one who is supposed to provide for the family financially? 

I was thinking the other day,
if circumstances did not force women to work, maybe more men would have jobs.

In our first days of a relationship, most men will pretend to be what you want them to be.
Our instincts will tell us something is wrong, but as we all know, we think we can change them using our love, but do they change?

Sometime back I thought I’d never find myself praying for a good husband, because they are not a necessity, but later I realized someone would always come along.
And things would not work out.
That is when I decided to start praying to get a good man.
A man who smiled everytime he saw me.
A man who truly loved me, and respected my wishes.

My fianc’ee when pushed, I believe will do anything for me.
I say, ‘when pushed’, because, oooooh, does he not love his chair!
He is addicted to the internet, he also uses his computer to work.

He tries to help me earn some money, but has never pushed me.
He does not want me to get a job that will require me to wake up at 6.00.
He allows me to sleep, the whole day if I wish, while he works.
Sometimes I think it is because he needs some quiet time. 

I have watched him work many times.
Sometimes till two in the morning, especially when he is doing two jobs at a time.
And I worry, and wonder if he will be able to put some time aside to spend with our children.

I always think of the marriages in the bible.
Especially in the old testament.
Women stayed at home.
Took care of their children, fetched water, cleaned the house, cooked and loved their husbands.

That is us, now, at this moment.
Man, working at home, me, loving to sleep.
I have been told, and also have learnt that men change with time.
I wonder what will happen when our children come.
Because I have heard, that, that is when things change.

Will he think he should have had more time to work, before getting married, or get more money?
Like I have had most men say, will he think that I cut his good life short, he would be leading a better life if he was single?

Will the mid-life crisis hit him hard, will he start thinking all the young female teenagers in the world were supposed to be his, then he starts chasing after them?
Or he should now channel his money to buying the latest car, or the latest clothes before he dies?
Will he start seeing the shortcomings in me that he did not see before marriage?
Will he start thinking I sleep too much, I should be in the streets selling something or in some office earning a salary?
Will he start feeling like he is doing too much for me?
Will he forget that we always stuck together through thick and thin?

Will that smile disappear?

I was suprised to hear a young lady say, that her parents have taken her university, but her dream has always been…
To be a housewife, to own a dog, to have four kids, and welcome her husband home in the evening with a hug and a kiss.
And I was suprised to know that, there are people in the present generation who still think like that.
I was tempted, to tell her,
“That is the life. That is how life should always be”

Do things change because we stop praying for our men,
And assume that things will always be okay? 
I met my man through prayer, will I stop Thanking God for him,
will I forget?

Does true love last, especially when there are a lot of responsibilites?


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