There is this lock that has a chain
The one that I see in movies
I discovered that
if you have long fingers
You can open it.
I am not interested in that right now
The nail gets my attention
The one that we have on the frame of our door
Bent and rotated to prevent people from getting into rooms
like they contributed towards building them or
Like they own them.
Make sure to replace it with a thicker one after sometime
Or remove that one and put another in a different position
To make sure it is firm at all time.
This nail is very very important especially
on door frames that open into a toilet.
Very dangerous when it is lose…
Maybe if our doors were not built to fully cover the opening
We would bend to peep through the space under the door
To check if the loo was occupied
Oh! I have just realized you can only do this in public toilets
Not in the house
1. We would always walk out of the house
when anyone goes for a long call and
2. We dont want people to know how our underwear looks like.
When your compound is spacious
If you are kind
children will always come to play
which will make the kids thirsty
So every now and then, they’ll drink water.
Suddenly at around 3 or 4 pm the kids are pressed…
If your stomach is patient
you will go to the loo
one or two hours after lunch
I’ll not forget to say that
I have noticed women
go for long calls in the first half of the morning
And men between lunch and supper
You have entered the loo
turned the nail to block the door
As you take your garments down
or lift your skirt up
Halfway to the toilet seat
you have not checked if
there is an insect looking at you
doing your business
It could be having a camera
you never know
So you look around.
And there it is
Back to your body, the garments go
Because there is going to be war…
You open the door
If it is a moth, you will get a towel
and wave it away
If it is a spider, you get one slipper
and misdirect your anger to it
If it is a wasp, you go for a long sleeved top
then cover your face with a leso or bedsheet
depending on how afraid you are of the wasp…
Then the war begins.
Like a rehearsal
you go through the same process
of undressing, again
This time you are comfortably seated
Looking at your phone
while you do your business
You have just finished writing an illegal post
that could land you in trouble
only when you are unlucky,
When a girl child is pressed
she will walk with her legs pressed together
her hips swinging from side to side.
She will approach the door of the loo
turn the handle and with little strength
push the door open
using her hips
The nail helps, the door will not open.
But this afternoon you are unlucky
A boychild is pressed
His mind thinking of only one thing
“I must pee. I MUST PEE”.
He rushes into the house
runs straight to the loo
Your post has just gone through
You sit up straight [sigh]
feeling happy with yourself
The boy reaches the door
Places his hands on his chest
bent at the elbow and
pushes the door open
the loose nail is out of the frame
in a second hits your face so hard
Thinking the detectives have tracked you down
You suddenly stand up
hand on your forehead
clothes down to your ankles
and scream at the top of your voice
“Aaaaaa…. I have been shot!
Help help I have been shot!
The boy who did not expect to find someone
who is almost dying from a gunshot in the loo
Runs out screaming
straight to his home
And into the loo
If it was a different person
sitting in the loo
looking out for any insects…
She’ll be screaming
“Iiiiiiiiiii help! I have been stung…
Help! I’ve been stung.”
And a good neighbour
calls the emergency police line.